On the Diary of a CEO podcast, psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb shared insights on marriage timing to reduce divorce risk. Referring to a study by the Institute of Family Studies, which suggests an optimal age range of 25-30 for marriage, Gottlieb emphasized the importance of maturity and life stability in relationships. She cautioned against marrying too young, highlighting the lack of necessary skills and life experience.
“In one’s mid to late 20s, it’s deemed an optimal time for marriage as individuals typically have a clearer understanding of themselves and their desires, facilitating mutual growth within the relationship,” Gottlieb explained. “During this period, couples tend to accumulate more shared experiences and deepen their understanding of each other, often with both sets of parents still alive and opportunities to integrate into each other’s familial circles.”
The study further indicates that prior to age 32, each additional year of age reduces the likelihood of divorce by 11 percent. Conversely, beyond this age, the risk of divorce increases by 5 percent per year.
Gottlieb elaborated, “With age, individuals become more entrenched in their ways and develop higher expectations, potentially becoming less flexible in relationships. Negative past experiences, such as breakups, can shape behavior and erode trust in current relationships. It’s common for individuals to carry emotional baggage into new relationships, impacting their ability to trust and connect with their partners.”
She continued, “Some individuals believe that accumulating more dating experience will make them better partners in the future. However, this can be challenging as both parties may carry emotional baggage from past relationships, leading to unrealistic expectations and difficulties in forming meaningful connections.”
Gottlieb also noted a trend of rising expectations in partner selection, suggesting that individuals are increasingly prone to setting unrealistic standards.
The psychotherapist made an appearance on “The Diary of a CEO” podcast hosted by Dragons’ Den star Steven Bartlett, where they delved into discussions on relationships, dating, and heartbreak.
She pointed out that many individuals often dismiss potential partners after just one date, citing a lack of an initial spark. However, she revealed that the majority of people in long-term relationships didn’t necessarily feel a spark on their first encounter either.
“It’s intriguing how people use the first date as a gauge, when many who are deeply in love didn’t experience those sparks initially. Some even started out as friends,” she remarked.
“People often don’t afford each other the opportunity to truly connect, as the illusion, perpetuated by dating apps, suggests an endless sea of options. But if you’re constantly juggling multiple people, you’ll never truly get to know anyone well enough to discern if they’re the right fit.”
She emphasized a simple yet crucial question to ask oneself after a first date: “Did I enjoy myself?” If the answer is affirmative, she suggested considering a second date, without the pressure of it needing to be life-altering. “Just see where it leads,” she advised.
Regarding relationship expectations, she noted gender disparities, observing, “For men, expectations often revolve around appearance, especially among the younger generation exposed to heavily filtered ‘thirst traps’ on social media. This can lead to unrealistic expectations when encountering people in real life.”
