Red Skelton shares his tips for a happy marriage and they’re absolutely hilarious

When you decide to get married, you realize that you’ll continue your life with someone you trust and love. There will be fights, arguments, and misunderstandings, but the good times often outweigh the negative. Red Skelton is now giving his advice on how to maintain a good marriage.

For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this. For those of you not old enough, you will see what you missed. Either way, his humor was always clean, and he was a great entertainer. A rerun of great one liner’s from the man who was known for his clean humor. I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more.

Red Skelton’s 13 Rules For A Perfect Marriage:

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. She said… ‘Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!’ So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said ‘There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!’ So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, ‘In the lake.’

8. She got a mud-pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, ‘Am I too late for the garbage?’ The driver said, ‘No, jump in!’

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, ‘What’s on the TV?’ I said, ‘Dust!’

Can’t you just hear him say all of these? I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn’t have to start with a four letter word… It was just clean and simple fun.

LOL! Classic.

Married couples will especially love Skelton’s unique humor, so be sure to let all your married friends in on some of these lines. You could even show them the article!

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