Too many people are unaware of how their thoughts can control their reality. Sometimes called the law of attraction these beliefs can affect health, happiness, finances and even relationships. Let’s look at five common beliefs that can influence the health of our relationships with those we love. These five thoughts can wreck havoc on the individuals in the relationship. We’ll also look at what you can do to rid yourself of these thoughts if you find it applies to you.
1. You Believe That Love and Passion Will Fade Over Time.
This is a very common belief in our culture. Many people feel that as times pass and lovers become comfortable with each other that love fades while companionship grows. It seems obvious that if you believe this you will act in a manner that makes it true. What can you do to change this thought? Look for examples that seem to contradict it.
Long term love can be seen everywhere from the elderly couple holding hands at a park, a poem written by an older person for their love. Couples who have been together forty years and still sees that special something in their partner. All you have to do is look, and you will find that passion can exist for decades, and you can also have it in your relationship if you choose to.
2. Seeing Only Your Partner’s Flaws
It’s true that as humans we tend to focus on what makes us unhappy and we are more likely to do so in relationships. Our partners may tell us they love us daily, buy the special bread we like or many other kind things. Too often though that’s not what we see. Instead, we see socks on the living room floor, a mess in the kitchen or that darned toilet seat being left up. When this happens, we begin to complain causing our partners to become defensive.
Defensive behaviors can cause partners to stop listening to each other or make our partners wonder why they should continue with the good stuff as they feel they can’t please you. Soon everything becomes a fight. Stop and look around, do you see the good stuff? The made bed, the special dinner, the kiss and hug before work all say that your partner is thinking of you and wants you to be happy. Concentrate on these behaviors and it will change all of those flaws into a meaningless background.
3. Believing You Can’t Live Without Your Partner
This thought is crippling, even more so than the first two. It’s crippling because you are not with your partner because you want to be but because you fear not having the person in your life. This type of relationship is called a co-dependent relationship, and since it’s based on fear, it can never be based on love and affection. Fear is a negative emotion and can encourage other unwanted emotions to show up.
One of the worse things that can come from a dependent relationship is the possibility of abuse. Your partner may come to believe that they can do anything they want and know that you will stay. The abuse could be verbal or neglectful, these are just as damaging as physical violence. Instead, come to understand that forcing someone to be with you out of fear will never give you what you want. If you want love, then give love. Ask yourself what you think will happen if your partner left, then spend some time reflecting on how you would handle those problems. Soon you will come to know that you are capable of living well without your partner but that you’ve chosen to stay out of love.
4. Believing Infidelity Is Inevitable
Ok, this one does happen in relationships, sometimes. The key here is the sometimes. Of course, there are people who cheat on spouses but this doesn’t mean everyone will. You must foster a feeling of trust between yourself and your partner. To do otherwise may well drive your partner into a new relationship simply because they’ve been found guilty without doing anything wrong.
Changing this believe means that you need to find people who are faithful to their partners. If you have friends and family who engage in poor behavior, it doesn’t mean your partner will also stray. Odds are greater that they won’t. Look around and find examples of fidelity and trust in marriage. Hold onto those thoughts and replace the older negative thought with a new example every time you can. Remember the Law of Attraction? Whatever you think becomes your reality so why not adopt new ways of thinking and being.
5. Believing Divorce Is Common
Sadly this is a common belief; that makes it harder to change. Try looking at it the same way you would the famous glass of water, instead of half empty try telling yourself the glass is half full. Divorce happens and sometimes it should happen such as with abusing spouses or those who put you down so much that you lose all confidence.
We don’t need to focus on the statistics to have a happy and stable relationship. All relationships are unique and if you want to keep yours fresh just think of getting old together, how glad you are and will continue to be. A healthy relationship takes work and positive thoughts. There are many happy and full marriages you can concentrate on instead. Ridding yourself of unhealthy thoughts can be difficult but on focusing on the good all around us we can have the type of relationship we’ve always dreamed of and want so badly.