There is not a single relationship that will not have its up and downs. A simple discussion can suddenly turn into an argument if someone utters the wrong words out of frustration. You can protect your relationship by avoiding speaking the most hurtful words during your debates.
Avoid Using These Words In Your Relationship
Relationships are defined by communication between partners. Communication includes verbal and non verbal body language. Partners use communication to get what they need from each other. These needs included material as well as emotional needs. Material things are things such as food and clothes while emotional things can be as simple as an intimate touch.
Communication helps you to let your partner know how you feel and get what you need from them. It is while communicating to get something that you might accidentally slip in a word that should not be used in your relationship.
Words Have The Power To Hurt Your Relationship
According to the research carried out by researchers at the University of Texas, Austin, they found that people are hurt by how they perceive not the words themselves, but the intention of their partner in uttering them.
According to the researchers, the results indicated people who felt hurt by comments directed at them felt that the individual who made the comments was trying to create a distance between them by making those hurtful comments. Those who felt the comments were unintentionally hurting did not share that sentiment. The research also revealed that those who felt that their partner was using hurtful words intentionally became less satisfied in their relationship. Those who did not feel the comments were meant to hurt them felt more satisfaction in their relationship.
If you lash out at your partner because you have had a difficult day, you are hungry, or tired can be easily forgiven once your partner understands that you did not mean to hurt them but you were simply feeling frustrated. That is different to when your partner perceives that your hurtful words are forming a pattern of negative behavior directed at them, which will make them perceive you as being intentionally hurtful towards them.
In Your Relationship, There Is More To Communication Than Words
If your partner uses this word even it is ones, it will not be less meaningful if:
1.) You either perceive it negatively, or
2.) Their body language, tone, actions or other behavioral patterns also express a negative intention.
Our facial expressions and body language have a lot of hidden information. For example, was your partner smiling and using a humor of expression when they spoke to you? When you informed them that you disliked and were hurt by what they had just said, did they change and never said it again?
Communication Quarterly published a research that examined hurtful messages used in communication as well as the use of humor to lighten the communication. The results indicated that when humorous messages were used to communicate hurtful information, the information was perceived to be less intentionally hurtful; it was similar to expressing mild feelings when sending messages involving most topics. They caused less hurt compared to massages that did not have any humor in them. These findings indicated that sending potentially hurtful messages while incorporating humor makes them more acceptable to the recipients as opposed to being blunt when sending the same messages.
Silence Can Also Be Hurtful To Your Relationship
It is important to know when to be silent in a relationship and when to speak up. For example, when you are silent and your partner is pushing you to the limits, and you start to get that uncomfortable gut feeling, you have to speak up and calmly express your how you feel about their actions and words. An appropriate response would be to say something such as, “I am not comfortable with that, any other options?”
The One Word You Should Keep Out Of Your Relationship
There is this one word that you may find constantly saying to yourself, mostly when you are swamped with tasks, you therefore need to keep it out of your relationship vocabulary. This controlling word that must be kept out of any intimate relationship is “should.” You must not use it in this context,” You really should do …, or you really shouldn’t do ….” The reason why you need to avoid that word is that it implies judgment on your part that what the other person is doing is wrong in your opinion.
The best approach is not to use the judgmental word “should” or “should not,” but instead to express your feelings in a mild manner. You could for example say “Maybe this is not the best thing to do because ….” That will allow you to express feelings and reasons behind them. You will also have shown that you know your partner has the right to choose what is best for them, and you are not imposing to make the decision for them.
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