Best friends can transit to strangers just as easily as strangers can become friends. How then, does this estrangement become a living reality?
- People change.
Questioning the gradual distancing from someone who was so big a part of your life and with whom you were very close may lead you down the path of self-doubt and blame. Did I do something wrong? Did I not put enough effort into bonding and integrating them into my life?
More often than not, when the answer to this question is not in the affirmative, the simple solution is that your paths changed, with the eventuality that you cannot connect in the same way as before. This does not translate to you not being friends anymore, or make an impossibility of the idea of re-connecting; it simply means that the individual paths you take do not allow for that level of closeness.
Being able to ride the wave of change is no measure of how much value you place on an alliance. It is simply a show of respect for each other, each other’s journeys and the ultimate destinations thereof.
To understand this better, conceptualize you and your close friend(s) as radio stations, tuned to the same thing. People change, and so do their frequencies so that you are all tuned to different stations. Instead of meshing with this group of friends, each of you finds themselves among a new lot. Life is dynamic, but we are quipped to make quick adjustments
- Unresolved conflicts.
Conflicts, big or small may cause friends to drift apart. Not being able to move past a disagreement, of whichever magnitude can surely take a toll on any friendship. Holding onto toxic feelings and grudges over a matter impedes reconciliation.
The hurt experienced and simply not being able to move past, or make peace with a situation may hold us back from letting the person who hurt us back into our lives. Other times, while we may want to, the fear of being the first to reach out, or simply not knowing how to go about it presents the challenge.
Sometimes, there are friendships you deliberately let go of because you may be on entirely different paths. Picture a friend living on the fast lane, steady on the path of self-destruct. If your value system does not accommodate this kind of lifestyle, then a drift is inevitable. Letting feelings of regret plague you after this drift does you no service .Instead, you should respect everyone’s choice and the uniqueness of every individual’s path. It is also note-worthy to appreciate that you can only do so much for people, and only if they are willing and open to it.
More important is that it is never too late to take action. Regardless of whether the disconnect was instigated by a fall-out or it was a gradual drift with no apparent “bad blood”, every second is an opportunity to rekindle a friendship.
The past remains beyond control but you can mold the future accordingly. Open communication is key in re-building healthy friendships, so reach out today. It also helps to journal things out to you and empathize with the other person.
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